Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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