For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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