were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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