He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
my being single is dangerous.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize