I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize