i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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