dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
