You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
