3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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