Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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