i think my mom watched the whole time
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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