There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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