So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
