You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
