Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
