So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
