did you get engaged???
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
