she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
