i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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