so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
