My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
