First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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