Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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