i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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