just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
