Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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