booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
