i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
