I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
