I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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