Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize