Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
