I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
