He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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