Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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