# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
