Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
