I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
