I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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