Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
