someone threw a dead crab at me
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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