I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
