I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
