Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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