We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
