I'm so fucking centered right now
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Please don't give away my fajitas
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
