Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize