Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize