I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
