I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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