Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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