So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
