I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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