but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
