is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
