So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
