sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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