Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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