We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
