i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
That's when you crack a 10am beer
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
