you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
