Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize