u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
