Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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