he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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