Michael Bay diarrhea
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
