The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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