): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
