Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Actions speak louder than pants.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize