Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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