If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
