I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
