enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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