the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
