Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
