Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
